Details of the weekend arrest of Christian Bail… err, Bale, are still developing as I type, but being accused of assaulting your own mother and sister?

Holy Menendez brothers, Batman!

Celebrity attorney, Randy Kessler, told us on the show this morning that assault is not as bad, from a legal stand point, as it sounds to those of us who didn’t graduate from law school. Assault and Battery, now that’s a Gotham City sized problem.

Without even knowing the rest of the story, I can guarantee that this is one situation that I’ll never find myself in. Never mind that I’d never do such a thing to the two most important women in my life, but if I did, I’d be lucky to be in custody of the police. My Mother (like yours, probably) wouldn’t need to call the authorities. But hopefully she’d take mercy and call an ambulance for me when she was done.

No guns, knives or extra help would be needed. Not with my Mom. She owns the ultimate weapon of ass destruction.

To this day, I won’t keep one in my kitchen just because she visits. Disrespect an Italian homemaker and your backside will be hotter than the pasta sauce on the stove (and just as red too).

“I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it,” she used to say afterwards.

And I’m damn sure she meant it.

Lucky for Christian Bale he only has to deal with the police.